We asked our team to share their most cringe-worthy, laugh-out-loud trail moments. Turns out, even the most seasoned hikers among us have spectacular low points. Pour yourself something strong, get comfortable and know that whatever happened to you out there – you are not alone.
The period that defied menopause (and gravity)
Picture this: day three of the Jatbula Trail in outback Australia, 40-degree heat, and Di – a full year post-menopause – is emerging from a stunning waterfall. Body dripping, spirits high. And then… nature had other plans. Her period returned. With enthusiasm. Right there, legs and all, in front of her fellow hikers.
What happened next? Her Wild Women crew – true legends – immediately formed a tampon-dispensing support squad. No hesitation. Just solidarity, supplies, and probably a fair amount of hysterical laughter.
The lesson: Always pack extra tampons. If you don’t need them, somebody else might. This is especially true on a multiday hike when your body apparently has no respect for medical milestones.
– Di Westaway
The sister who was definitely not being dramatic
Every family has one – the sibling who complains. So when Stephanie’s sister started saying she felt tired and sick on their regular coastal hike, Stephanie and her mum did what any loving family would do: ignored her completely and assumed she was being a bit precious about the heat.
They pushed on. The sister pushed on. She did most of the walk, bless her, before she just couldn’t anymore. The culprit? A tick buried in her neck, quietly making her feel absolutely rotten the entire time. Mum and daughter felt terrible. The tick, presumably, did not.
The lesson: If someone says they’re not feeling right, maybe actually check them for ticks. Especially in Australia, where even the insects are out to get you.
– Stephanie Kassapakis
Knee-deep in Sumatra (and deeply regretting it)
When Jess signed up to hike the Mentawai tribe village in the Sumatran jungle, the briefing sounded simple enough: 2.5km, one hour, gumboots recommended. Easy! Two hours later, the arrived at the village absolutely coated in mud, having essentially performed an extreme sport along the way – balancing on slippery tree trunks over knee-high mud bogs, with gumboots that proved heroic but ultimately outmatched.
The women of the tribe hiked back the same track. Barefoot. Without so much as a wobble.
The lesson: When the locals offer you a walking stick freshly hacked from a nearby tree, take the walking stick. Your dignity will thank you, even if your gumboots won’t.
– Jess Henderson
The sunscreen horror story (consider this a PSA)
Lachie was on the Jatbula Trail – 62km, 35-40 degree heat, 15kg pack – living his best life. On day three, he jumped into a beautiful lake, spent hours in the water, and forgot one small thing: to put sunscreen on his back before sliding that pack on.
By the next day, the sunburn had combined with friction, sweat, and a 15kg backpack to create what he describes as “needles being stuck into my back dozens of times a second.” He spent the afternoon shivering in his tent, surviving only on medication cadged from the group and sheer exhaustion overtaking the pain.
He finished the trail. He is a warrior. Do not be him.
The lesson: Sunscreen. Every Time. Especially in the NT. Especially on your back. It takes three minutes and it is not negotiable.
– Lachie O’Donnell
The zipper incident (we will never speak of it again)
Our anonymous team member was 13, on her very first multi-day outdoor education camp, and very proud of her jeans. They looked great. What they were not great for: four days of hiking in torrential rain.
After hours in the cold and wet, her hands were so numb she couldn’t undo her own zipper to go to the toilet. So she had to ask her tentmates to do it for her. And then, obviously, ask them to zip her back up again. She described this as “very mortifying for a teenager.” We can only imagine.
The lesson: Waterproof gear and wool are non-negotiable in cold, wet conditions. Jeans are not hiking pants. Gloves exist for a reason. And your friends will always zip you back up – that’s what they’re for.
– Anonymous (she knows who she is)
Wine tour + trail = gravel souvenir
Some people separate their wine tours from their hikes. Bek is not those people. She combined a vineyard visit with a valley hike, and came home with a knee full of gravel and absolutely zero regrets. The “vineyard views”, she confirms “were totally worth it.”
The lesson: Save the Pinot Gris for after the hike. And maybe keep still when you’re taking photos on uneven terrain. Maybe.
– Bek Batson
Got a fail that belongs in this collection? We’d love to hear it – the more mortifying, the better! Let us know in our Wild Women Community group!
