Dear Valentine, Please Don't Buy Me Flowers
By Di Westaway | Chief Adventure Chick (CEO) and Founder of Wild Women On Top
If you don’t believe in magic, you’re stressed out, live on the conservative side of life, don’t like a laugh or you’re related to me, best not to read this blog.
I hope you won’t think me rude, but given the incompetence of my past lovers, I’ve decided to give you some tips so you don’t stuff up your Valentine’s Day.
You see, I quite fancy you. But I need to confess, I’m not normal. I’m not “Rebel Wilson in How To Be Single” abnormal, but, as my kids often remind me, I’m not like most single women.
I’m a nature lover, which means I’d prefer to skinny dip at Balmoral beach by the light of the full moon than prance around the bedroom in the dark.
I prefer to squat behind a tree for a wee than sit on a white porcelain seat any day and I’d rather take my tea from a billy can than a shiny kettle.
Unlike many women, I don’t want diamonds, fancy restaurants, red roses, Chanel No. 5, Haigh’s dark chocolate roast macadamia nuts or Victoria’s Secret lingerie.
I’m not really into stuff.
But if you insist on giving me stuff, here’s what I’d love. A set of karabiners or quickdraws to keep me safe while I’m scaling a cliff for a view, or a mesh hammock tent that lets me see the stars while I sleep. If you don’t know what these things are, you’re probably not the guy for me.
But just because I prefer climbing gear to Chanel doesn’t mean I don’t like romance.
My most memorable Valentine’s evening was when my Valentine and I hiked to an open cave on a cliff top overlooking the Pacific Ocean for a candlelit dinner of delicacies from the local organic market. And then there was the time we skied to a snow cave at twilight and watched the moon rise over the icy peaks of the Snowy Mountains.
But so I don’t frighten you off and you get plenty of time to prepare, here’s a suggested V-Day plan which would be guaranteed to send my heart a flutter and tempt me to consider kissing you on a remote beach under the light of the full moon after a leisurely lake-side hike.
1. Tantalise me with a series of cheeky text messages and a gear list in the lead up to the big day.
2. Pick me up from home on your bike around 6pm so I have time to shower and get my best hiking shorts out of the wash.
3. Lead me along a lush forest trail for half an hour to finish at a secret location on a deserted Cove on Sydney Harbour.
4. Surprise me with fairy lights glittering in the trees, a glass of bubbles served in a champagne flute, dark chocolate dipped strawberries and breathtaking views over the Harbour.
5. Entertain me with your wit and wonderful stories of adventure.
6. Dazzle me with the sight of stars twinkling through the gum trees and the crescent moon rising over the water.
7. Impress me with your culinary skills as you serve smoked salmon frittata and marinated goats cheese salad on the starched white table cloth you’ve prepared on the sand.
8. Amuse me with a rock hop to a nearby rock platform with a view of the Sydney Heads.
9. Seduce me with a shot of creamy Bailey’s on ice and chocolate-filled raspberries.
10. Piggyback me home and tuck me in with a hug and a smile leaving me totally compelled to see you again.
Or, if you’d prefer, I could create this dreamy micro-adventure for us both to get my happy hormones flowing.
But either way, I’ll need to be home in bed by nine. By myself. Because it takes more than THAT to get a happy ending.
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